Nick Griffin Earns Two Awards in One Day!

Nick Griffin wins two awards in one day!

Nick Griffin, the portly chairman of the electorally sterile British National Party has today been given two unique awards after a recent trip to Belgium aboard the Eurostar. The first for 'Having the Biggest Shit ever' on a Eurostar train, and the second for 'Being the Biggest Shit' ever to travel on a Eurostar train.

Witnesses on board the train claim that upon entering the carriage, Simon Darby, the BNP's useless press officer, followed Mr. Griffin straight to the small on board toilets where he sat outside patiently wagging his eye brows, whilst Mr. Griffin could be heard farting, gurgling and swearing inside the latrine. One member of the Griffin cortège, dressed as St. George with a silver colander on his head, proudly proclaimed that Griffin was 'shitting for Britain!'.

“We were on the train as soon as it arrived” said one passenger, “but Griffin was already in the toilet, we figured we would wait, I mean, how long could he be!? It was a good two hours, we were in France before we heard the door click, the queue by this point was getting ridiculous and the smell which wafted down the carriage knocked an elderly passenger out”.

A Eurostar spokesperson said that the drainage on the train was “nackered beyond all belief” adding that parts of it aren't even recognisable any more. “It is actually quite impressive (the damage) especially when you consider that these facilities are designed to take a whole days worth of waste, and he filled it in one go!”. The damage is likely to cost thousands to repair.

The second honour, for Being the Biggest Shit ever to travel on a Eurostar train, was awarded to him for his conduct aboard the train after he vacated the toilet and made his way down to the first class carriage at the front of the train.

He marched down the train with Mr. Darby up front waving a big gold stick announcing at the top of his monotone voice “make way for the glorious Nicholas John Griffin, our valiant leader, saviour of the indigenous British people who can trace their ancestry back to before 1066, enemy to all Islamomarxist claw hammer wielding, Labour party funded, foreigner loving, immigrant sheltering unwashed students, Lord of all the beasts of the earth and fishes of the sea and Conqueror of the European Union and MEP for the North West and protector of some random owl sanctuary there!”. Upon being asked to keep his voice down, Darby announced it a crime against the British people and exclaimed it was tantamount to high treason to deny Nick a seat in first class.

“They were trying to get into first class but didn't appear to have a ticket for first class, the steward told them to go back to the seats listed on the ticket but the bushy eyebrowed one was demanding they sit in the first class section” said a passenger who had actually paid to sit in first class. “It was a right commotion, we could hear them walking down shouting things about fishes and immigrants, and the balding one was waving some big gold stick with a snakes head on it, maybe a reptile, I dont know, I tried not to look at the them to be honest, I wanted a peaceful journey”.

Before leaving first class, Griffin was trying to take a packet of Steak and Onion crisps from the food trolley without paying, upon being asked to pay Darby ranted “When Nick is prime minister, you will punished in the manner of the old days of our forbears: through Traitor’s Gate and into the Tower! Expecting our glorious leader to pay for food most likely harvested on his own land! It's a disgrace”.

Griffin and his rabble apparently wandered back down to the other end of the train, where Griffin was heard making the same joke about being 'on the gravy train' over and over. The BNP declined to comment when we phoned them, however, minutes later we received a text message asking for a donation.