Jackie Griffin offers Insight into a Strange Marriage

The Turkey Breath Files, featuring Jackie Griffin! 

Jackie Griffin, the wife of British National Party chairman.. Let loose on Turkey Breath!

Well, I'm so proud of him, I mean, I'm not even sure what he does over there, even he doesn't seem sure, but I'm very proud, I watch his videos sometimes, so charismatic, this is the reason I married this man, one day soon, he'll be running the EU!

The other day he got home, he had been away a good few days, he came in and made some joke about the gravy train, and then ran into the toilet. He called me over, I love talking to him through a door, he was saying that there are some very important delegates coming over soon and that we must put on a banquet for them. I asked him who was coming and he said it wasn't important, but that they were important and that we would have to impress them.

I went out to the shops, it took me a good few hours and two journeys to buy everything Nick wanted. I was so nervous as well, we're always having important people call round, Simon Darby came in the other day to charge his iPhone, and Clive Jefferson came in for a cheese sandwich, but this was the big one. Important delegates from the European Parliament, I had to impress them! Again I asked who was coming, he told me Jacques Pierre de Gaulle and Heinrich Schmidt amongst others. I had no idea who they were, for all I know, he could have been making them up, but this is why I'm the wife of the leader of Britains fourth largest political party and not the leader of Britains fourth largest political party, or its most popular and hard working MEP!

Anyway, hours later, the banquet was ready, I went into Nicks office, he was sat there sleeping, he is so cute when he snores, he works so hard you know! I gently woke him up, he jumped up and shouted for the Green Arrow to put down weapons. Nightmares again, it's all the pressure the state put him under. He couldn't even remember what banquet I was talking about. I told him, the one with the very important delegates, all twenty of them coming over hungry to talk about important political things, this seemed to jog his memory, he ordered me to leave and said that he would be through shortly to greet them. I heard him pick up the phone as I left, but my mind was distracted by the house phone suddenly going off. I answered it 'The Griffeeeen residence, lady of the house speaking..' as we do here, and was told by a French man, I'm assuming Jacques Pierre de Gaulle, that the important delegates wouldn't be able to make it any more. Oh how devasted I was, not because I had been up for six hours preparing the food, the table, the house and the pets, but for Nick. He was in his office waiting for them to arrive and was so very excited!

He came out and looked at me, he had this weird look in his eyes, he said, who is it? I told him it was Jacques Pierre de Gaulle and that the important delegates wouldn't be able to come over. He said to me, what, the twenty important delegates won't be able to come round and talk about important political stuff any more? I told him no. I went to hug him, but he walked into the dining room and sat down. He said, 'well no point letting good food go to waste', and started eating. I asked him if he wanted me to ring Simon up so he could come round and talk about important political stuff, but he said he'd rather just eat on his own. I went back into the kitchen and started to tidy up, I had a lot to do, it's amazing how much mess you can make preparing a meal for twenty important European delegates.

These important European delegates you know, they do this at least three times a week, I'm always preparing massive banquets for them, and they're always letting him down. It's just as well he is a kind and patient man, if I was him I wouldn't even invite them round any more but he doesn't learn, still, at least the food doesn't go to waste, Nick can eat most of it, and what he doesn't he puts in a doggie bag for Jefferson along with the scrapings.

More to come soon!

Simon Darby has something interesting to say on his blog..

Oh no, wait, he doesn't.

All he does is whine whine whine. And then occasionally, post a photo featuring a bottle of wine..

Useless doesn't cut it.

A big thank you..

I would like to say a big thank you to the dudes and dudettes at Lancaster Unity for posting to and linking to the 'Hardest working MEP' article, it gave the article and blog some real exposure.

It's also good to know that the people at the British Democracy Forum keep an eye on Lancaster Unity, as my stats show that I had as much traffic coming from BDF as I did LU. Given that the article was only on this blog and LU, I think it's fairly clear where they found it..

Still, that's why we're here..

Gobble Gobble!

Nick Griffin Wins Yet Another Award!

Well Gobble Gobble! Breaking news just reaching Turkey HQ...

Nick Griffin has been voted the 'Hardest working MEP' by the Voice of Freedom Newspaper, The BNP's in house newsletter, the quality of which has been compared to that produced by a year five pupil doing a media project (but only one he rushed so he could get to play on Call of Duty before bedtime).


Andrew Brons, knowing that nobody wastes their money on the sheet of A4 propaganda, was proud to break the news on his own blog:

"We must congratulate our Chairman for having been chosen as ‘the hardest working MEP’ by the Editor of the Voice of Freedom. A crucial factor, in the Editor’s decision, seems to have been that our Chairman had not, on this occasion, used his constituency week for a family holiday. He had been working to support the Party’s candidates in the elections – something that the rest of us could do only poorly by comparison.
His award will provide his colleagues and his fellow MEPs from all parties and all countries with the inspiration to follow in his footsteps, in the hope that we might achieve even a pale shadow of his success. I am reluctant to mention my own puny efforts in the same paragraph."

Even Brons must be cringing at writing that one! 

Whether or not the VoF actually considered the many other MEP's in the European Parliament, or just the two rather unproductive ones in the BNP, or even just Nick, is unknown, but we're fairly sure it came down to being between Andrew and Nick, and of course, with Nick being the boss of the gang, he got to win it! 

He wins this regardless of the fact he's spent much of his time sunning himself in Cyprus (allegedly looking for a 'bolt hole' for when the paper dragon collapses), regardless of the fact the BNP is in turmoil and most importantly; regardless of the fact he hasn't achieved anything over there in Europe in over a year!

Another thing Griffo should consider, is given the BNP's poor showing in the election, maybe he should have taken that holiday after all and left them to it?


And yet, there is one more clanger hidden from the membership of the BNP: the editor of the Voice of Freedom, is one Nicholas John Griffin! Well, even we didn't see that one coming.Who does he think he is kidding?


The award up in the next issue is for 'Most hard working Chairman of the BNP who's name begins with N'.

Nick Griffin Earns Two Awards in One Day!

Nick Griffin wins two awards in one day!

Nick Griffin, the portly chairman of the electorally sterile British National Party has today been given two unique awards after a recent trip to Belgium aboard the Eurostar. The first for 'Having the Biggest Shit ever' on a Eurostar train, and the second for 'Being the Biggest Shit' ever to travel on a Eurostar train.

Witnesses on board the train claim that upon entering the carriage, Simon Darby, the BNP's useless press officer, followed Mr. Griffin straight to the small on board toilets where he sat outside patiently wagging his eye brows, whilst Mr. Griffin could be heard farting, gurgling and swearing inside the latrine. One member of the Griffin cortège, dressed as St. George with a silver colander on his head, proudly proclaimed that Griffin was 'shitting for Britain!'.

“We were on the train as soon as it arrived” said one passenger, “but Griffin was already in the toilet, we figured we would wait, I mean, how long could he be!? It was a good two hours, we were in France before we heard the door click, the queue by this point was getting ridiculous and the smell which wafted down the carriage knocked an elderly passenger out”.

A Eurostar spokesperson said that the drainage on the train was “nackered beyond all belief” adding that parts of it aren't even recognisable any more. “It is actually quite impressive (the damage) especially when you consider that these facilities are designed to take a whole days worth of waste, and he filled it in one go!”. The damage is likely to cost thousands to repair.

The second honour, for Being the Biggest Shit ever to travel on a Eurostar train, was awarded to him for his conduct aboard the train after he vacated the toilet and made his way down to the first class carriage at the front of the train.

He marched down the train with Mr. Darby up front waving a big gold stick announcing at the top of his monotone voice “make way for the glorious Nicholas John Griffin, our valiant leader, saviour of the indigenous British people who can trace their ancestry back to before 1066, enemy to all Islamomarxist claw hammer wielding, Labour party funded, foreigner loving, immigrant sheltering unwashed students, Lord of all the beasts of the earth and fishes of the sea and Conqueror of the European Union and MEP for the North West and protector of some random owl sanctuary there!”. Upon being asked to keep his voice down, Darby announced it a crime against the British people and exclaimed it was tantamount to high treason to deny Nick a seat in first class.

“They were trying to get into first class but didn't appear to have a ticket for first class, the steward told them to go back to the seats listed on the ticket but the bushy eyebrowed one was demanding they sit in the first class section” said a passenger who had actually paid to sit in first class. “It was a right commotion, we could hear them walking down shouting things about fishes and immigrants, and the balding one was waving some big gold stick with a snakes head on it, maybe a reptile, I dont know, I tried not to look at the them to be honest, I wanted a peaceful journey”.

Before leaving first class, Griffin was trying to take a packet of Steak and Onion crisps from the food trolley without paying, upon being asked to pay Darby ranted “When Nick is prime minister, you will punished in the manner of the old days of our forbears: through Traitor’s Gate and into the Tower! Expecting our glorious leader to pay for food most likely harvested on his own land! It's a disgrace”.

Griffin and his rabble apparently wandered back down to the other end of the train, where Griffin was heard making the same joke about being 'on the gravy train' over and over. The BNP declined to comment when we phoned them, however, minutes later we received a text message asking for a donation.